It was impossible to share in my previous blog entry everything about Dr. David Kendall that makes him a superb choice as Chair of the UN Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space. Besides being a well-regarded leader, Dave also has a sense of humour.
Throughout our careers in space, Dave and I have attended our share of receptions and gala events. We both believe that banquet events can be overly formal and dry. We especially empathize with the spouses in attendance who often must endure speeches about boring technical or programmatic mumbo jumbo. To loosen things up a bit, I created a recurring skit à la Johnny Carson/Ed McMahon that we sometimes insert into the evening’s proceedings with Dave acting as my partner.
This is how our skit typically unfolds: partway through dinner I go to the podium and announce the arrival of a distinguished and unexpected guest. Costumed as an eastern mystic, Dave then enters the banquet hall with a lot of pomp and circumstance. I introduce our visitor to the attendees as ‘Astronac the Magnificent’, a wise sage from a galaxy far, far away. Astronac has come to the banquet to share his profound wisdom and provide answers to crucial questions facing the represented organizations.
Myself with Astronac (David Kendall) on stage.
I go on to state that I hold in my hand several envelopes. Within these envelopes are questions of utmost importance. Astronac, in his divine and mystical way, will not only ascertain the answers to these questions, but will do so having never seen them before. I hand the first envelope to Astronac. After requesting absolute silence from the audience, Astronac holds the first unopened envelope to his forehead, concentrates, ‘mind-reads’ the question and provides the answer: “20-20-20”. I then open the envelope and read the question: “What is a Martian’s normal eyesight?”
The audience groans. Astronac then provides the answers to several other questions in a similar fashion:
A: To boldy go where no man has gone before
Q: Why did Captain Kirk walk into the ladies’ washroom?
A: All Systems Go!
Q: What happens when you take a double Espresso, a Metamucil, and a Viagra all at once?
A: Asteroids
Q: What can you get from sitting on an aster?
A: Quark
Q: What sound is made by a sick duck?
A: Go at night
Q: How can astronauts fly to the Sun without burning up?
A: Igloo
Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?
Of course the audience groans at all of these jokes. When they do, Astronac is ready with a few funny retorts (“May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your underwear.”)
There is a lot of cheering from the audience when I announce the last envelope:
A: It has a Dark Side, it has a Light Side and it holds the Universe together
Q: How is Duct Tape like The Force?
I came across the above script while preparing this blog entry about Dave’s recent appointment to UN COPUOS. Yes, these are corny jokes but they brought back fond memories. I thought they would put a smile on your face.
After Dave becomes Chair, I hope that he will invite me to one of his United Nations gala events so that we can introduce his UN Vienna crowd to our mystic visitor from a galaxy far, far away. If we’re not having fun in our profession, then we are doing something wrong.
